Friday March 27th, 2009 Grim Outlook

The doctors feel Shailee does have Trisomy 13 or 18 due to all her defects. It seems these are all basic signs of this Chromosome disorder. They sent a grief counselor in to speak with me. She asked a lot of hard questions, but the hardest was, do you want to take her home to die or leave her in the hospital to die there. I didn't know what to say, my stomach twisted in knots and I wanted to vomit. Everyone had given up hope on my angel and they wanted me to decide where to let her die. I told them I would need to talk to my wife before I decided anything. And I held on to my hope that they were wrong. I prayed like I have never prayed before and I asked everyone I knew to pray as well. I asked God to let me go in her place, I begged him to let her live and I would do whatever he wanted me to. My baby couldn't die, she hadn't even had the chance to live yet. I didn't tell my wife Stacy anything about the grief counselor yet, she had enough to deal with. She got out of the hospital today and we are going up tomorrow to see Shailee.